Notes from the Baby Class Trenches Part 2

We watched that video.

You know the one I mean, the one meant to scare the living shtuff out of you. The one with the yelling, screaming, crying, blood and joy.

We watched the birth video.

Was I ready for it? Maybe. Although it was Game 7 of the NBA Finals, so I wasn’t expecting to look up and see a baby emerging from the “birth canal.” But there it was. A crying little girl covered in all the stuff that comes with the birth process. And for the first time, it didn’t gross me out. The concept of going from womb to Kelci’s arms wasn’t unnerving. It was exciting.

When I found out we were having a baby, the hospital part of it was amongst the most unsettling. I’m not like Kelci. I’m not the special kind of person that can look at an open wound calmly and then be OK with what I am seeing. But, after last night, I’m ready for that. Cutting the cord is not gross, wiping away the new baby slime won’t bother me and being next to my wife during all of this makes me happy.

Drumroll Please…Her Name is:

Kylah Makana Berto

Kylah= English for “from the narrow channel” (Whatever that means;), it’s also the feminine form of Kyle. We just love the name…

Makana= Hawaiian word for “gift.”  (If you didn’t know, Eric and I met in Hawaii)

I’m on a diet

Last week I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, which means that my blood sugar is staying too high for too long after I eat. There are some risks to the baby, but only if it’s not kept under control. It can fatten her up too much and it can cause her to have low blood sugar when she’s born.

As a result, I have to poke myself 4 times/day to check my blood sugar. I also have to eat a diabetic diet, which means no more giving in to my cravings for chocolate milk. No more cake, candy, or cornbread for Kelci until baby gets here…

Only 9 more weeks…

I can’t believe it’s only 9 weeks until our baby girl will join this crazy world. Time sure flies when you feel like you’re going to explode, you puke every morning, your stomach has entered your thoracic cavity, and the heartburn keeps you up at night. Oh, Don’t forget getting up to pee at least six times per night. Who am I kidding? I’m ready to get this baby out, but only when she’s ready too:)

We decorated the nursery today, the room that was once an “office,” is now full of pink monkeys, yellow, turtles, elephants, and giraffes…another sure sign that’s there’s actually a baby in there somewhere.

Some days it’s hard to believe that Eric and I are about to be parents. Eric’s worried that we’re not mature enough to be parents, I would argue that it’s impossible to be a good parent without still being a kid at heart.

Notes from the baby class trenches

Scene: 10 couples (including us) 9 having girls and one of those 9 is a set of twins. A doll that was just realistic enough to be creepy had been plopped on the table. Every single person in the room twisted, bent or flipped it into some sort of natural position.

Our teacher for the evening, who was from Holland walked us through some of the joys of the first few moments and days after child birth. A choice quote about what to expect when cutting the cord, which is apparently quite robust:

A little kid, a bag of water and a rope that she twirls her hand around. Expected a little spray of blood.

LOL, wut? The image of a fetus playing double dutch (get it, she’s from Holland?) was too much for me and three of the other fathers. We all just about lost it.

The evening produced several other gems such as the fact they put RFID bracelets on the babies. If you get the baby near a door while the bracelet is armed, it will bolt the door shut before you can walk through it.

Also, apparently the days of staring through the windows of a nursery at rows of babies like it’s a used car lot are over. The hospital that we’re delivering at no longer has a nursery and the baby will be in the room with us.

We also talked a lot about why babies cry. It would have been a tremendously shorter class if we had discussed why they don’t cry. But one of the interesting parts of the discussion was around loneliness. In fact, the National Institute of Health has some interesting research articles about the various effects loneliness has on children.

In the words of our teacher “Loneliness is such a big word for a small child.” We have a lot to learn…