Disciplining a toddler

Kylah reared back and with a swift flick of the wrist slapped me across the face.

Kylah disappeared around the corner to the laundry room and when I found her, she had nearly emptied the dog’s food into his water.

Kylah shook her head and hit the spoon out of Kelci’s hand, flying spaghetti allover the place.

Yeah, having a toddler is amazing. But it can also be frustrating and trying and challenging. So what do you do about a young toddler that doesn’t quite get “traditional” discipline? That has been our latest challenge and learning to manage those frustrating moments has been a hard lesson for all of us.

Stern and consistent

The hitting is the most serious of the offenses right now. I bristle when she flails her sippy cup toward the dog and it’s hard to watch her take a swipe at Kelci. We’ve read a lot of different opinions about how to manage what appears to be a common phase that toddlers go through.

Neither of us are in a hurry to start hitting back and she’s simply to young to fully understand the implications of a raised voice or a harsh yell. And forget folding your arms and delivering a stern look. Our little sponge quickly mirrored that causing me to laugh hysterically.

Our method of choice depends on the offense. For hitting, we grab her hands, tell her no thank you and then instruct her to be gentle and showing her what a gentle touch is. Stern voice, but not yelling and careful to not cause harm to her. Consistently reminding her what is OK and what is not.

For other infractions we have chosen to distract rather than punish. A timeout or other scolding wouldn’t work for our little busybody. Redirecting her and telling her what she was doing is not OK seems to be the best we can do. Her trips to the dog bowls have definitely decreased.

As she grows, our strategy will shift. Our methods will change and we’ll all learn how to be happy and not in trouble. But the best advice we can give and the best advice we have been given is be consistent.

And to show you we’re not mean parents, here’s some shots of our little trouble maker… 

 

 

Baby hugs

There’s few things in life better than baby hugs. Kylah has recently determined she is going to be affectionate and that means baby hugs. And baby kisses. Sloppy, drooly, baby kisses.

But this new-found affection also has come with one other thing: Attitude. Shaking the head no, hitting and, my personal favorite, mirroring me and crossing her arms and giving me the same stern look I was giving her when she got caught pouring dog food into the dog’s water.

I like baby hugs better than I like baby mockery.

So, it’s now time to figure out “discipline.” Such a scary word. I’ll probably explore our discipline strategies in a different post, but Kelci and I both agree that the core is going to be consistency. And lots of baby hugs…

Oh and in case you haven’t seen it, Kylah made a video for everybody to see:

Don’t leave your baby in the car

Today I nearly brought a stranger to tears. She had done something I couldn’t imagine doing to Kylah and the setting made it even worse.

I have been working remotely for the last several weeks and that occasionally brings me to a global coffee chain for free wifi and free drip coffee refills and this morning was no exception. I anticipate seeing a higher-than-average number of high-maintenance people and suburban stereotypes, but I wasn’t ready for this.

As I approached, I noticed that there was a new (surprise #1) SUV (surprise #2) illegally and poorly parked in a handicap spot (surprise #3). But it was surprise #4 that had me in disbelief.

The toddler strapped into the car seat in the back seat with the windows up. By herself. As I peered into the windows hoping there was another adult or older sibling in there I was dumbfounded. I mean, I’ve left Kylah in her seat in my truck while I run back into the house for a moment. But this lady had left her toddler in the car while she went in to fetch her drink. I stood there and turned to open the door to tell the manager what I had seen. I held the door for a woman on her way out and sure enough she got into this SUV.

A stern look and a loud, incredulous “unbelievable” as I shook my head and watched her get into her car. What was she thinking? How could she do that to her child? No sooner had I sat down and logged on, the woman walked in, carrying her toddler this time.

She tried to explain her hurried action. Her sick child. Her messed up order at the drive through. But I didn’t want to hear it. I wouldn’t do what she did. I couldn’t leave my daughter alone in the car like that. Under those circumstances. “I was only in here for 30 seconds” she pleaded.

That’s all it takes…

I don’t support this person’s action at all. I can’t. But am I a hypocrite because I’ve run into the house while Kylah is in her seat? Why was this so much worse to me?

A little too easy

Thirteen months. So far Kelci and I have been amazingly lucky/blessed/fortunate/ with Kylah.

Our adventure this week found us attempting to eliminate the pacifier from her sleep-time routine. So, we decided to go cold turkey with it and simply quit giving it to her. The first night, we were prepared for epic battle, ready for the tantrum; we were expecting the worst.

Five minutes later she was asleep.

Nights two and three have been mirror images of the first. The point of this is not (entirely) to gloat. My point is that I think a lot of our success comes from the attitude that Kelci and I have toward parenting.

Just relax

Kelci and I stress more about doing this right or wrong or making the right decisions about Kylah’s upbringing. We read our books and try to feed her well and brush her teeth and generally do good. And that enables us to relax. We know we’re making the right decision and that enables us to relax, which I think is one of the reasons that Kylah is so easy going and adaptive to change.

We’ve been transitioning her to “people” food as well. As her independent streak has grown, she’s begun eating the same stuff we eat. It’s kind of a trip to make myself scrambled eggs in the morning and have to share with her. It’s also kind of fun to give her new foods and watch her eyes get huge when she realizes that watermelon is, indeed, delicious. Just relax and it will all be OK.

One year

One year ago, our lives changed. Kylah was born and our lives changed. We had hard nights, hard days and amazingly happy times in between. The last 12 months have been nothing short of amazing. All the times somebody told Kelci and I about how our lives were going to change it was hard to imagine the ways that would happen.

I’m not sure how I’m supposed to put these last 12 months into words. I just can’t. I think of her smiles. Our smiles. Her tears. Our tears. Her cries. Our cries. Her victories. Our victories. There are no words to capture what her presence in our lives has meant. I think I’m going to let pictures tell their thousand words.

I love you Kylah.


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