Notes from the Baby Class Trenches Part 2

We watched that video.

You know the one I mean, the one meant to scare the living shtuff out of you. The one with the yelling, screaming, crying, blood and joy.

We watched the birth video.

Was I ready for it? Maybe. Although it was Game 7 of the NBA Finals, so I wasn’t expecting to look up and see a baby emerging from the “birth canal.” But there it was. A crying little girl covered in all the stuff that comes with the birth process. And for the first time, it didn’t gross me out. The concept of going from womb to Kelci’s arms wasn’t unnerving. It was exciting.

When I found out we were having a baby, the hospital part of it was amongst the most unsettling. I’m not like Kelci. I’m not the special kind of person that can look at an open wound calmly and then be OK with what I am seeing. But, after last night, I’m ready for that. Cutting the cord is not gross, wiping away the new baby slime won’t bother me and being next to my wife during all of this makes me happy.

Notes from the baby class trenches

Scene: 10 couples (including us) 9 having girls and one of those 9 is a set of twins. A doll that was just realistic enough to be creepy had been plopped on the table. Every single person in the room twisted, bent or flipped it into some sort of natural position.

Our teacher for the evening, who was from Holland walked us through some of the joys of the first few moments and days after child birth. A choice quote about what to expect when cutting the cord, which is apparently quite robust:

A little kid, a bag of water and a rope that she twirls her hand around. Expected a little spray of blood.

LOL, wut? The image of a fetus playing double dutch (get it, she’s from Holland?) was too much for me and three of the other fathers. We all just about lost it.

The evening produced several other gems such as the fact they put RFID bracelets on the babies. If you get the baby near a door while the bracelet is armed, it will bolt the door shut before you can walk through it.

Also, apparently the days of staring through the windows of a nursery at rows of babies like it’s a used car lot are over. The hospital that we’re delivering at no longer has a nursery and the baby will be in the room with us.

We also talked a lot about why babies cry. It would have been a tremendously shorter class if we had discussed why they don’t cry. But one of the interesting parts of the discussion was around loneliness. In fact, the National Institute of Health has some interesting research articles about the various effects loneliness has on children.

In the words of our teacher “Loneliness is such a big word for a small child.” We have a lot to learn…